I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
