That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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