There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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