He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
where am i from again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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