His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
