Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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