Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
