Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sarcasm needs its own font
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
