he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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