my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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