I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
