we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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