just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
