my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
