i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
