we have pet lesbian snakes
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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