We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
