***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
