Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
