After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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