the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
