i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
