My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
