Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
