hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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