I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize