so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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