i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize