So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
