just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
