someone threw a dead crab at me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
