You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
