This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Two words: blizzard sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
