Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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