i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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