I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
