How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
