dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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