we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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