thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
