Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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