hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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