i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize