Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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