Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
