I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
