If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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