how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
did i just pee glitter
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
