I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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