If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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