i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
