i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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