there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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