Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
