its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
