Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
