I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
