I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
