I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
