No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
