I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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