i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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