I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
