We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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